I almost walked out of my job last week….

I work in the restaurant industry (hey, line cook here).

It began as a normal day like any other:

• Clock in. 
• Prep. 
• Get ready for dinner service.

The usual buzz of the kitchen greeted me as I buttoned up my chef jacket.

Prep was uneventful, a steady rhythm of peeling, slicing, and chopping.

Chef briefed us on the reservations for the night—there would be a number of big tables.

I was mentally prepared…. or so I thought…

Orders started trickling in, then flooding all at once.

The printer spewed tickets faster than I could read them.

The kitchen became a battlefield of clanging pans, sizzling oil, and shouting commands.

“Fire table 32!”

We were swamped with tickets. A 17-top, an 8-top, an 8-top, a 6-top, all rung in back to back. (x-top = the number of guests seated at a table.)

F**king great.

There’s not much you can do in this situation except roll with it.

I tried to keep my head above water, but I was drowning in tickets.

The manager/part-owner came in, “are we really at a 30 minute ticket time?”

Damn.

It felt hard to keep up, to cook everything at once, and make sure everything was at the perfect temperature. 

Tenderloin medallions, strip steak, burgers.

Medium rare, medium, medium well.

More time passed.

Again she came back.

“1 hour ticket time??”

The expo guy responded, “Yeah, we got backed up with that 17-top and then a bunch of big tables were rung in right after.”

I was irritated. I mean what do they expect? 

I wanted to walk out, to say “fuck this shit, I’m done.”

I’ve walked out of kitchens before, to be honest, I’m not above it. But those were places I was employed at for less than a month. I had no emotional connection to them.

Now, I couldn’t walk out.

2 reasons why:

1.  I already have 1 year under my belt at this place, and I actually like my co-workers. I couldn’t leave them hanging.
2.  I got bills to pay and I don’t wanna starve.

But I’ll be honest, I’m over it.

Working in a kitchen is both mentally & physically draining.

Sometimes I feel like I’m trapped playing a game I don’t really wanna play. 

Do I have to keep clocking in at a job I don’t really wanna be at just to barely get by? 

There has to be a way out, right?

I’ve been frustrated lately.

To be honest, the only thing keeping me tied to my job is that I need money to survive. 

That’s it.

What a way to live huh?

Unfortunately I know that’s how most people live. They have no passion for their job, they don’t feel inspired when they clock in, they do it because they need money. And maaaybe they don't hate it. But they also don’t love it.

*sighs*

Besides that I’ve been second-guessing my attempts to create an online business & build a brand.

Sometimes I wonder, am I really even working towards something, or am I deluding myself?

Wait.

Zoom out. 

My nose is too close to the pavement. 

I’m failing to see the bigger picture.

I’ve come so far already. I’ve learned so much.

My writing has improved.

I mean seriously, I cringe at the newsletters I sent a year ago.

I’ve been getting positive feedback on my recent newsletters. 

Not to mention, I’ve only just picked up the skill of web design back in November, and about 6 months later I landed my first client. Then another.

Insane.

Landing my first two clients has reminded me that I have a future beyond the kitchen.

Things are progressing. 

Maybe not as fast as my ego hopes, but they are progressing.

Zoom out, kid. It’s a long-term game.

I’m not trapped.

There is a light at the end of this chaotic tunnel—and I’m determined to reach it.